Fight Right

 At the core of every woman she needs love. 

   -AND-

At the core of every man he needs respect.   

Ephesians 5:33 [NLT] So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 

When a husband doesn't "love" his wife or when a wife doesn't "respect" her husband... conflict occurs.  

So often we have different views on...

• Parenting

• Finances 

• Communication

• Work

• Family 

• Sexual intimacy

Conflict is a whole lot easier to cause than it is to resolve. 

"Healthy couples fight for resolution, unhealthy couples fight to win."

Mark 3:25 [NLT] Similarly, a family splintered [divided]by feuding will fall apart. 

"The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that the successful ones keep getting up and keep dealing with the issues."   -Emerson Eggerichs 

Proverbs 24:16 "A righteous man falls seven times, and rises again." 

Nobody can love perfectly and no one can respect perfectly, so when conflict happens we just need to keep working to improve.

Matthew 7:3-5 [TPT Why would you focus on the flaw in someone else's life and yet fail to notice the glaring flaws of your own? 4 How could you say to your friend, 'Let me show you where you're wrong,' when you're guilty of even more? 5 You're being hypercritical and a hypocrite!  First acknowledge your own 'blind spots' and deal with them, and then you'll be capable of dealing with the 'blind spot' of your friend. 

It is a whole lot easier to blame our spouse than it is to admit we are failing at meeting their needs.

 Three Wrongs in Resolving Conflict

1.  We fight the WRONG enemy

Ephesians 6:12 [NLT] For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. 

2.  We are led by WRONG motives

James 4:1-3 [TPT] What is the cause of your conflicts and quarrels with each other?  Doesn't the battle begin inside of you as you fight to have your own way and fulfill your own desires? 2 ...You scheme...to selfishly obtain what you crave--that's why you quarrel and fight.  And all the time you don't obtain what you want because you won't ask God for it! 3 And if you ask, you won't receive it for you're asking with corrupt motives, seeking only to fulfill your own selfish desires.  

3.  We use WRONG tactics

1 Corinthians 6:3 [NLT] Don't you realize that we will judge angels? So you should surely be able to resolve ordinary disputes in this life. 

"Healthy couples fight for resolution, unhealthy couples fight to win."

Three Musts for Fighting Right

James 1:19-20 [TPT] My dearest brothers and sisters, take this to heart:  Be quick to listen, but slow to speak.  And be slow to become angry, 20 for human anger is never a legitimate tool to promote God's righteous purpose.

1.  We must STOP and listen

Proverbs 18:2 [NLT],Fools have no interest in understanding: they only want to air their own opinions.  

2.  We must GUARD our words 

Proverbs 21:23 [NLT] Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.

Before we speak we need to ask ourselves 2 questions...

• Does this need to be said?

• If so, should I say it now?

Extra tips for healthy conflict:

• Never call names

• Never say "always" or "never"

• Never raise your voice

• Never threaten divorce 

• Never get historical 

• Never use the Bible as a weapon

3.  We must MANAGE our anger  

Ephesians 4:26-27 [TPT But don't let the passion of your emotions lead you to sin!  Don't let anger control you or be fuel for revenge, not for even a day. 27 Don't give the slanderous accuser, the Devil, an opportunity to manipulate you!

"Healthy couples fight for resolution, unhealthy couples fight to win."