Unhealthy Family Habits

• Family relationships were designed by God to provide each one of us with love, affection, a sense of belonging, comfort, safety, and an atmosphere of growth.

• There is no such thing as a perfect family.

How will we deal with problems when they arise?

1.  We can leave these problems unresolved.

2.  We can point the finger at everyone else.

Matthew 7:1-5 (NLT) “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. 2 For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. 3 And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? 4 How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.”

Isaiah 58:9-11 (NKJV) Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.” “IF you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness… 11 The Lord will guide you continually…

3.  We can choose to become a part of the solution.

1.  A failure to forgive or apologize

What happens when those feelings of disappointment aren’t dealt with in a  biblical way?  We become offended.

• If we are going to be a solution focused person…then we need to remember that every healthy family practices a “culture of forgiveness.”

A.  Forgive

Matthew 6:14-15 (NLT) If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. 15 But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.           

Is there someone in your family that you need to forgive? 

B.  Apologize

Matthew 5:23-24 (NLT) So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, 24 leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God. 

Is there a family member you need to apologize to? 

2.  Criticism

• Criticism — “finding and pointing out someone’s faults.”

Criticisms are communicated by…

• Insults

• Verbal jabs

• Sarcastic remarks

• Backhanded compliments

• Judgmental opinions

• Ridicule

• Rolling of the eyes

• Lectures

• Straighten people out

• Speaking forthright  

“What is really happening through criticism is, we try to impose our way of thinking on someone else.”  

• Criticism should never be a habit within a family culture, because we are suppose to be loving, supportive, and encouraging to one another.

Proverbs 12:18 (ESV) There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Question:  Have you been overly critical toward any of your family members?

3.  Gossip

• Gossip — “idle talk, especially about the personal or private affairs of others.”

Gossip…

• Damages reputation

• Distorts the facts

• Focuses on latest dirt

• Spreads like wildfire

• Undermines confidence

• Breaks trust

• Hurts feelings

• Destroys relationships

• Causes division

• Unproductive 

Proverbs 16:28 (NLT) A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.

Proverbs 20:19 (NIV) A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.

James 1:26 (NIV) Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. 

Matthew 12:36 (ESV) I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak. 

How should we react when a family members begins to gossip?

Psalm 141:3 (NIV) Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.

4.  Dishonesty

Four types of dishonesty…

A.  Protection 

B.  Look Good 

C.  Avoid Trouble 

D.  Compulsion

• While people have different motives for lying, the results are always the same — their relationships suffer.

Proverbs 12:22 (NLT) The Lord detests lying lips, but He delights in those who tell the truth. 

Colossians 3:9 (NIV) Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices.

How can we help create a culture of honesty in our family?