The Art of Listening

It is impossible to honor God in our homes without having a healthy, strong connection within our families.

• One of the main reasons we struggle with finding the connection we long for, is because we don’t take the time to listen to one another.

• We regularly confuse the act of hearing with the choice of listening.

Hearing — “Our ability to perceive sound [noises, tones].” 

Listening — “To pay thoughtful attention; and to give consideration [for a mutual understanding].”

James 1:19 (NLT) Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters:  You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

We are a poor listener if…

  1.  We dominate the conversation.  

  2.  We interrupt or talk over the person speaking.  

  3.  We get easily angered or defensive.  

  4.  We complete the other person’s sentences.  

  5.  We constantly turn the conversation back to us.  

  6.  We don’t ask questions.  

  7.  We go silent. 

  8.  We try to hurry the speaker along.  

  9.  We exhibit unwelcoming body language.  

10.  We’re thinking about something else.  

11.  We select what we listen to.

A healthy family environment is never conducive to poor listening habits.

1.  Listening to our spouse

1 Peter 3:7 (NLT) In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives.  Treat your wife with understanding as you live together.  She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life.  Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

Proverbs 18:2 (NLT) Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.

Philippians 2:3 (NLT) Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others.  Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. 

2.  Listening to our parents

Proverbs 30:17 (NLT) The eye that mocks a father and despises a mother’s instructions will be plucked out by ravens of the valley and eaten by vultures. 

Proverbs 1:8-9 (NLT) My child, listen when your father corrects you.  Don’t neglect your mother’s instruction. 9 What you learn from them will crown you with grace and be a chain of honor around your neck.  

Proverbs 23:22 (NLT) Listen to your father, who gave you life, and don’t despise your mother when she is old. 

• In spite of our parents’ age, the thing that matters most is that we show them honor; by listening to them with an understanding heart.

Ephesians 6:1-3 (NLT) Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. 2 Honor your father and mother.  This is the first commandment with a promise. 3 If you honor your father and mother, things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.

3.  Listening to our kids

“Children are meant to be seen and not heard.”  

When we listen to the heart of our kids; we are…

• Engaging in their worlds.

• Inviting them to be open about their thoughts and opinions.

• Placing value on their emotions and feelings.

• Putting validity to their experiences.  

• Encouraging them to continue to communicate with us as they get older.

• Making ourselves available. 

• Strengthening our bond of trust with them.

Proverbs 20:5 (ESV) The purpose of a man’s heart [child’s heart] is like deep water, but a man [parent] of understanding will draw it out.

Proverbs 18:13 (NIV) To answer before listening — that is folly and shame.